


Journey to the Sea

by blueleviathan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:38:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3423161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueleviathan/pseuds/blueleviathan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-ACWNR Year 844</p>
<p>Commander Shadis sends Nanaba, a mid-rank officer from Flagon's squad, to continue Levi's auxiliary training as a new squad leader is chosen from the ranks. With Erwin absent on assignment for eight days, Levi finds himself very much alone, the loss of his friends still raw, never far from his mind.</p>
<p>It's a different kind of pain that develops when Erwin finally returns into his life.</p>
<p>Warnings to change as chapters progress. Years 844-846.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You seem to have something I am missing. Until I understand what that is, I will accompany you. 

\------

Wind sweeps through the trees as Levi's eyes follow the sound of horses' hooves returning to base at daybreak. Erwin leads with two soldiers behind, golden hair illuminated in the sun. He dismounts and a third soldier takes his horse, standing at attention to deliver a message.

Erwin nods and his eyes move to briefly lock with Levi's across the field. They haven't spoken since that day. Levi returns his attention to his blades, methodically running the cloth over the surface, eyes refusing to meet the piercing gaze still trained on him.

Nanaba's boots enter his periphery of vision. "Couldn't sleep again, Levi?"

Levi gets up and sheaths his swords. "None of your business." 

Her face is calm as usual, but concern etches the corners of her thin smile. "Let's get going."

Levi follows her wordlessly towards the training grounds. When he next looks up, Erwin and his soldiers are already gone.

It's late afternoon when Nanaba leaves suddenly, ordering one of her subordinates to stand watch. Levi narrows his eyes up at the young soldier from one knee.

"Oi, brat. What's happened?"

"One of our officers has regained consciousness. He lost his leg during the last expedition."

Levi says nothing as he reloads the military firearm, images of Farlan and Isabel's maimed bodies flashing through his mind. Tightening his jaw, he stands and takes aim at the target. How strange it was to be standing on the other side. They would have been laughing.

The gunshot rings through the grounds. Levi approaches the target, thumb flicking the mark of the musket ball... two centimeters off from dead center. Damn. 

He reloads and takes aim again, eyes distracted. It feels like he's in pain all the time.

"Relax your shoulders," a deeper voice prompts. Unmoving from his stance, Levi's eyes flick up to see Erwin standing next to him, his face set in its usual stoic mask.

Erwin lifts the barrel with one hand to adjust his position slightly. Levi is acutely aware of how tall he is this close and holds his ground, resisting the urge to step back.

"Try again." 

Levi presses his cheek into the side of the gun, stares down the mark and fires.

Point blank. Levi lowers the firearm, memorizing the adjustments made to his position. 

"Good."

Erwin takes a shotgun from the stand and starts to load it. "Ready two horses," he directs at the soldier on guard. "You're dismissed afterwards."

"Sir!"

"What the hell are you doing...?" Levi asks in a low voice, watching the soldier hurry towards the stables.

"Ride with me. A target course lies east of here."

 

Erwin's arms and line of sight are incredibly steady as they follow each target, each time patiently waiting for the right moment to pull.

Levi lets off the reins a bit as his mare gallops through the forest. She knows this place well. He rounds the bend and takes out the next two targets before Erwin can. They eventually fall into a rhythm, overlapping volleys so the other can reload. Levi breathes deeply, letting the whipping wind drown out his thoughts.

They eventually reach the edge of the forest and Erwin points to the countryside in the distance. "Beyond these hills is the river."

Levi nods and follows him at full speed, leaning into the saddle as they crest each hill. He slows beside Erwin as they reach the highest point, taking in the view. It's the longest body of water Levi's ever seen, both ends obscured by the horizon.

"The southern end passes through Shiganshina and the north Trost," Erwin explains, nudging his mare into a trot. "We'll let the horses rest here a moment."

Levi stops at the riverbank and dismounts, his legs heavier on the ground. Erwin takes the reins from him and guides both horses down to drink. Levi doesn't follow, walking a little ways out to stare off into the distance. He can't make out the walls from here. There's only blue sky. Crouching down, he slowly sits amongst the lush grass and wildflowers, watching the river flow north. 

Light off the water outlines Erwin's figure as he pats the horses. Would he be sitting here like this if he had killed Erwin? 

Levi lies back with a heaviness, feeling exhaustion take his body. Everything changed the moment Erwin entered his life. 

 

Aniki!

Levi wakes with a start, instinctively reaching for a knife that isn't there. His eyes scan the landscape, calming when he registers where he is. The sun is low in the sky, red and gold streaking the clouds. 

Erwin's blue eyes watch him carefully, hand paused over a leather bound notebook. He lowers his gaze and continues writing as Levi sits up. The horses graze in the distance behind him.

Swearing under his breath, he runs a hand over his face. "How long was I out?" 

"Not long." Erwin closes the pages, rebinding the leather straps. Levi catches sight of deep red scars inside his left hand before reverting his eyes.

"When was the last time you slept?" Erwin asks quietly. 

"I'm fine."

Erwin stares at the hills in the distance, elbows now resting on his knees. "...Of course."

Levi looks at him sharply, uncertain if Erwin means to resign the issue or mock him. Perhaps it's a bit of both. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"I was outlining the speed of the current. It's fine."

Levi's eyes trace the river north. "So you know where this eventually goes?"

The tone in Erwin's voice changes slightly, becoming more subdued. "There's a theory that all rivers eventually lead to the sea." 

"...The sea?"

Erwin gestures to the river. "Imagine a vast body of water that stretches to the horizon. Only this water is filled with salt; you cannot drink from it."

Levi raises an eyebrow. "Salt?"

"Yes. All prohibited texts describe it this exact way." 

Erwin's second admission to illegal activities has Levi weighing their similitude.

"Who really knows..." 

Erwin smiles for the first time, soft, but not without restraint. He stands to ready the horses. "I have every intention of eradicating the titans to find out for myself."

The nonchalance in his words do little to betray the ruthlessness behind them. The mention of titans now hangs heavily between them, leaving an ugly feeling in Levi's chest. He rises and watches the blades of grass sway back and forth in the wind.

"Do you despise me for trying to kill you?"

Erwin doesn't say anything for a moment, calm eyes studying him. "No. Please accept my apology for deceiving you and your friends."

Levi grimaces at the mention of Isabel and Farlan.

"From here forward, you have my trust."

 

They ride back in comfortable silence. Erwin leads ahead, his figure tracing shadows against the setting sun.

Was Erwin the only person left in this wretched world who knew him?

The thought makes him feel both comforted and terribly alone all the same.

 

Nanaba is there to meet them when they dismount, eyes bright in the last light of day.

"You were fortunate to be in such good company and guidance," she addresses Levi, "Erwin was first in our graduating class."

"That was a long time ago," Erwin admonishes quietly, handing the reins to her subordinate.

He meets Nanaba's eyes briefly, then Levi's, cold mask now firmly back in place. 

"I'll be taking my leave of you now."

Nanaba immediately stands at attention. "Sir."

Levi watches him walk away, his own walls already back up.

 

 

Erwin's office oversees the eastern end of the training grounds. Mike finds him that morning inclined against the edge of his desk alone. Although his stance is upright, losing none of its usual formal air, it strikes Mike as off somehow. 

"Erwin. My reports." He places the papers at the center of his desk.

"Thank you." Erwin takes one look at him and uncrosses his arms.

"I've never stopped you from speaking freely, Mike."

Mike's face darkens. "You must have some sort of death wish. I half expected him to kill you."

He follows Erwin's pensive stare to the field below. Soldiers from squad two were running drills today. Erwin smiles tightly, choosing not to answer. "I appreciate you keeping an eye on him."

Mike moves closer to the window. "His habit of scaling the rooftops at night is worrying."

"Let it be for now. It's his way of grieving."

"Good morning, Erwin! Oh, Mike's here too?" 

Hange smiles brightly at both men but is slow to enter the room, papers in hand. Mike nods a greeting.

"Come in." She can sense they have more to say, but ultimately defers to Erwin's authority.

Strolling forward, Hange lays her reports next to Mike's on the desk when something in the window catches her eye.

"Ah, looks like he's amassed quite a following today." 

Several groups of soldiers pause mid-drill as Levi walks by, Nanaba and two squad members in tow. Those in his way quickly move aside as he deftly refills his blades, turning each over for inspection.

In one month's time, Levi had superseded even the most veteran of soldiers.

"Have you met him?" Erwin asks Hange, watching a team leader bark soldiers back into formation.

"Oh, I've approached him countless times!" Mike rolls his eyes. "He still doesn't like me too much I'm afraid." After a sheepish pause, "Or anyone for that matter." 

Her eyes wander to the ceiling in thought. "Your will over him must be quite strong to make him stay. Have you heard what they're calling him?" 

"I am aware." Erwin takes a seat, eyes unreadable. He nods at both of them. "Thank you for your work. That'll be all."

 

At dusk, Levi makes his way back to the barracks when the new squad leader, Renly, stops him.

"Don't get too comfortable, Levi. You're being moved to squad one. Commander Shadis is requesting your presence to formalize it, let's go."

Levi doesn't move, cold expression unchanged. 

"Show me where I'm staying first." 

The composure in Renly's face drops. "What? Did you not just hear-"

"Show me." 

The threat in Levi's voice causes Renly to reconsider. He's off his squad anyways. Shaking his head in exasperation, he calls a team leader to quickly direct him to their sleeping quarters.

Levi's presence draws cautious looks from the soldiers inside.

"It's here."

Levi stares down at the bed. A faint layer of dust had gathered. It's a long moment before he addresses Renly's subordinate.

"I'm not staying here."

"It's fine. Move your belongings tomorrow," Erwin says from the doorway.

All soldiers in the vicinity immediately stand at attention. 

Unlike Renly, Erwin's presence made the entire room still. The air around him had always been different, harder for Levi to breathe. He knows this is why he's being moved, to be controlled. Erwin's blue eyes give him a pointed look before he turns.

"Come. The commander would like a word with you."

Levi keeps his head down as they walk in silence to the officer's building. Renly must have known about this transfer for some time but was waiting for Erwin to return.

Did Erwin want him, or had Renly approached the other because he didn't? 

Levi's hand twitches for a knife thinking about the latter.

Erwin must have sensed his tension then because he says firmly, "Just be yourself. I'll take care of the rest."

Levi scowls. "Whatever."

Renly moves aside to let them into the office. Shadis looks up from across the desk, tired lines etched on his face. Erwin stands at attention with his hands behind his back and Renly follows suit. Levi ignores them both, meeting Shadis's dark eyes directly.

"I'll make this quick. I'm granting your earlier request for Levi's transfer, Erwin, if it is within the interest of all parties involved."

Levi's eyebrows furrow. So it was the former.

Renly speaks first. "No objections, sir."

Shadis's eyes move to Levi. "And you, Levi?"

"... None."

Shadis studies him with interest before stamping two letters on his desk, sliding one to Renly and the other to Erwin. "Renly, you're dismissed."

Renly neatly folds the paper into his jacket, salutes quickly, and leaves. Levi feels his tension ease a bit with just Erwin beside him now.

Shadis opens a file, revealing a set of papers.

"This is a copy of your training reports. Nanaba deems your auxiliary exercises complete. You will be starting with the main battalion tomorrow."

He looks up at Levi sternly. "Your strength and combat skills were marked off the charts. It's clear you have talent, but your overall lack of discipline and teamwork makes you unreliable in the field. You require strong leadership to teach you how to redirect that temperament of yours. Therefore," Shadis turns to Erwin, "I'm interested to know which team leader you plan to put Levi under, Erwin."

"There will be none."

Shadis and Levi both look at him with matching expressions.

"None," Shadis repeats. "I'm sure you have a good reason for this."

"I do. Levi did not go through standard military training. Under an expectant leader, his unfamiliarity with our procedures will more likely cause greater conflict. I believe he's done well assimilating himself next to soldiers who have had three or more years to refine their discipline. As this will inevitably take some time, I will take personal responsibility for his actions and assign him to my immediate team."

Shadis says nothing for a moment, contemplating Erwin's explanation. He eventually nods in agreement. 

"Very well. Levi, you will report directly to Squad Leader Erwin. Dismissed."

 

"Walk with me," Erwin says as they step out into the hall. 

Levi follows, a storm of emotions. This meeting. Everything that's happened since he left the Underground. He has no words for any of it. 

Erwin takes out a key to enter the last room on the left. Levi realizes it's his office.

Erwin walks into the darkness and lights a candle. Levi's eyes wander the large room, from the books that line the entire wall to the documents organized into stacks on the lectern. It's a warmer, more modest version of the commander's office.

Erwin approaches his desk and leafs through one of the piles. He pulls out a thick set of papers and hands them to Levi.

"You have two days to read this over. Come to my office when you finish. We leave on the third."

"Where the hell to?"

Erwin takes a seat and Levi realizes he intends to continue working. "The wall."

Levi stares at Erwin for a moment before dragging the chair opposite his desk towards the light.

"If you're staying, I'm reading this now." He sits heavily into the chair and gestures to Erwin's work. "You can supervise my overall lack of discipline while you're at it."

Erwin smiles at him, expression softening. It's the first he's seen his eyes so genuine.

"Suit yourself."


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere along the way, all your dreams and aspirations became my own. 

\---

Levi stands upon the wall overlooking Shinganshina, eyes closed, listening to the wind whip past the flags.

Erwin unsheathes a sword beside him. "Ready?"

Levi looks down. Hange's team stands in position at the base of the wall, artillery fire angled from two ends. 

"Yeah."

Erwin fires a green flare, signaling Mike. The latter immediately releases a steel wire from the wall and propels himself forward in a pendulum motion, running rapid strides against the side. The titan below follows him, drawing closer to Hange's team.

Mike launches another grapple hook and repeats the same maneuver. Again and again he does this until they're quickly closing in.

Forty meters. Twenty. Ten. 

Levi tightens his grip on his swords. 

Hange's team fires. The harpoons immediately pierce the titan's flesh, wires going taut. The soldiers below scatter away from the titan, swords out. The giant reaches for them, swiping its hands, diggings its feet into the ground. 

Hange orders her team to stand down as two of her men move in to circle it, shouting calculations of the angle and distance. The wires start producing an increasingly high pitch sound as the titan strains in its hold. 

"It's not going to hold." 

Levi immediately steps off the wall as two of the left barrels implode under the strain, releasing the titan's arm. His stomach lurches as he free falls, wind tunneling around him. Twisting his body, he cuts a deep gash into the titan's neck, flecks of blood splattering all over his hands and face. 

He can hear Hange yelling as the steam rises all around him. Levi shields his eyes briefly, launching himself up against the side of the wall.

"Salvage what you can quickly, two titans are approaching," Erwin commands from above.

Hange's team binds the netting around the intact barrels and the Garrison soldiers above immediately lift the pulley.

"Retreat!"

Levi waits until the last solider is off the ground before joining them. 

"We had no casualties today thanks to your quick action," Erwin says to him when he reaches the top. The two titans below now claw the side of the wall harmlessly.

Mike inspects the barrels as the soldiers unload the nets. Hange lets out a string of curses next to him. 

Levi wipes off the blood in disgust. "That titan wasn't even nine meters. This won't cut it in real combat."

Erwin nods. "Yes." His hard eyes move over the remaining artillery. "It will be some time before we can develop the necessary weapon strength to immobilize a titan. In the meantime, we will have to resort to trenches and walls to fortify our checkpoints on the supply route."

The young female officer from the Garrison unit approaches. Levi turns away to clean his swords, staying just within earshot as they debrief.

"Your orders, squad leader?"

"We will conclude testing for today, thank you. I will pass along my praises of your team to Ian."

She blinks and smiles a little at his words. "Thank you, sir."

Levi notices the way her eyes travel over Erwin's jawline and back up to his face. He looks away. 

The last rays of light are casting shadows over the distant mountains. Erwin moves to stand next to him as they watch the red horizon.

"What now?"

"We leave tomorrow. Commander Shadis is requesting our return."

Erwin chooses not to elaborate but Levi knows it's unspoken confirmation that the next expedition was approved. He can feel the darkness in his heart return and looks down at the two titans still lingering at the base of the wall.

Levi pushes a loose pebble over the edge with his boot. Erwin watches with cold interest as the giants continue staring forward, none the wiser to the falling debris.

"If I led the Garrison, I would spend every day slaughtering as many as I could."

Levi looks up at him sharply, but eventually returns, "Why am I not surprised...?"

Erwin apologizes. "You will come to learn I can be quite twisted."

"You're talking to the wrong person about that."

Erwin meets his eyes and Levi stares back evenly. His blue gaze is impassive as always, but understanding.

The feeling of the wind, the sheer expanse of the outside world lingers with Levi as they descend the lift to the city. The same air he had breathed his whole life was somehow now unbearable, as if he had finally woken from a long sickness.

He hadn't known until Erwin came crashing into his life, uninvited. 

Levi's eyes involuntarily move to his profile, searching for what the younger officer saw. 

There was a magnetism to Erwin's features, all hard lines and cold eyes, that made people stare, pay attention. Soldiers admired him, followed his every order, would die for him.

It conflicted with Levi's enduring perception of the military's incompetence and corruption.

Mike looks sidelong at Erwin as they ground.

"I'm grabbing a drink with Ian. I guess it'd be too much to ask you to catch up with us." 

Mike's voice is resigned, already knowing his answer.

Levi hears Erwin hesitate for a moment. "Sorry. Next time." 

"Hey shorty, do you drink?"

"Fuck off," Levi replies, not bothering to look up.

Mike snorts in amusement and Hange smiles. "Erwin's meeting with Commander Pixis. He may be drunker than you by the end of the night."

Erwin gives her a pointed look and exits without a word, nodding to the Garrison soldiers on the ground escorting him to headquarters. 

"Levi, help me load the wagons?" Hange prompts. "I want your feedback from today."

The soldiers with them quickly organize a system, lifting the weapons piece by piece. Levi crouches to examine an empty muzzle. 

"It was Erwin's idea to put a fail safe so we could release the wires. After what happened today, I'm glad we did."

"Good to know it wasn't a total failure." 

"Next time it won't be," she presses, not picking up his sarcasm. "We have enough information from these past few days to make the necessary modifications. Then, maybe I'll finally be able to capture one." Hange produces a high pitch squeal, grinning from ear to ear.

"You're an idiot."

 

Mike returns to the Garrison barracks earlier than expected that night. He watches as Levi beats the dust from his sheets but says nothing, opting to turn onto his other side. 

 

Levi sits bent over on the front steps before dawn, surly mood mellowed only slightly by the tea in his hands. 

He hears the faint sound of water. Erwin is in the courtyard, washing his face at the communal basin with one hand. Wet, uncombed strands plaster his face as he stares down at the water, slowly unrolling his sleeves. He's not yet fully uniformed and Levi wonders if he really did get drunk last night.

Erwin eventually notices he's not alone and greets Levi, eyes ever cool and calculating. If he did drink, Levi couldn't tell whatsoever. 

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"No," Levi mutters darkly into the cup, "My ears are still ringing like shit from Mike's damn snoring."

Erwin's lips twist slightly. "It seems some things haven't change from our trainee days."

Levi couldn't picture what Erwin was like younger. Nor Mike. An unspoken tension still lingered between him and the latter, but for now, Mike had accepted him without any questions.

Levi fixates his gaze on Erwin's left hand, scarred by his own rage and grief that day. It felt strange to be sitting here alone in front of him, calm and unguarded.

"How's your hand?" Levi asks in a low voice, not meeting his eyes. He had yet to see Erwin use a sword with it.

"It's on the mend, nothing to worry about."

Levi snorts. "... Who's worried?" 

 

Levi and the others watch on horseback as Erwin exchanges his last words with Ian, shaking his hand. The Garrison soldiers at the gate stare distastefully at their group, but say nothing with Ian present.

Levi could picture then a younger Erwin.

They ride back in silence to base, the air freer outside of the city. 

When they dismount, Levi's step falters slightly and he quickly reaches out to grab the saddle. 

 

It isn't until two days before the expedition that Levi acknowledges something is wrong with him. Even then, he silently endures the burning in his throat, the fatigue in his body. If anyone had noticed, they didn't say anything. Levi preferred it that way.

In the days after the expedition debriefing, no one has seen Erwin or Shadis, and most of squad one's officers are absent during trainings and preparations.

Levi overhears a few soldiers talking in the warehouse as he kneels to refill his gas.

"It's a lot of supplies this time."

"I heard squad leader Erwin's been bending the arm of a bureaucrat and that's where all this money is coming from." 

"Wasn't that the last expedition? 

Levi grimaces thinking of Isabel and Farlan. Thoughts of Erwin's safety eventually take the forefront of his mind and he frowns.

"I don't know. I'm just glad he and I are on the same side."

The other two soldiers voice their agreement with light laughter.

"Sometimes, good people have to do bad things."

Levi rises as they walk away. He's suddenly struck with the urge to go to Erwin's office, to find him, but resists. He makes his way outside and walks past the droves of young soldiers loading supplies. People's sons and daughters. Levi wonders how many would die this time. Was everything Erwin did simply a means to the greater end? It didn't seem to matter what or who it took to achieve his goals.

Levi knew this included himself.

Somewhere on his path towards ruin and destruction, Erwin had decided he had a greater purpose than thieving and plundering in the Underground and took him with him. 

Was waking him from his sickness a fair exchange for Isabel and Farlan's deaths? 

 

It rains just like that day for hours outside of the wall. The main fleet keeps a close formation, the men nervous, quiet.

Levi rides the outside of the left flank with Mike. His uniform is drenched, mare covered halfway up in mud as they gallop south. The edge of the forest suddenly emerges from the fog and Erwin looks past him into the darkness with intense eyes.

"Erwin, they're coming from the forest," he hears Mike shout.

An earth shattering crash from behind jolts the horses. Multiple soldiers turn around to the direction of the screams.

"Keep moving!" Erwin directs. "Hange, ride to tell the commander to turn west."

Just as the words leave Erwin's mouth, a titan's arm appears and misses Hange by a fraction, taking Mike's horse instead. The cry of the animal on impact deafens Levi.

They break formation, scattering. Mike lies pinned underneath his horse several meters away, the titan's hand closed around him. It opens its mouth. Levi is in the air before he can think, driving his swords as deep as he can into the nape. He can feel bone crunching underneath as he twists the blades, blood spilling all over the front of his uniform. 

More dark shapes ambush them at the rear. Sounds of metal and wire cut through the screams as the remaining soldiers engage. Levi lets himself fall with the titan and inverts his right sword as he lands.

"Levi!" 

His head snaps up at Erwin's voice. He's still on horseback, looking back at him. 

"Save your gas and blades for the main fleet. Return to Shadis with Mike, quickly."

"What? Why?" he presses.

"Go." His voice is firmer the second time.

Levi sheaths his swords and drags Mike from underneath the dead horse. The other man is disoriented, grunting in pain as blood runs freely down his leg. A loud flare sounds towards the west. 

"All remaining units fall back to the commander, retreat!" he hears Erwin shout. 

Another crash. The ground shakes violently beneath them. Officers in the vicinity echo the orders and soldiers start moving out in chaotic droves all around. Levi takes hold of a wandering horse in the rain, its owner presumed dead, and hauls Mike onto the saddle. He firmly pushes the mare's hindquarters forward to gallop with the others and remounts his own horse, following at full speed.

"Squad leader!"

Levi whips his head around to see Erwin's body hit the mud, rolling once before he's back on his feet, blades drawn. Levi's blood drains. The titan emerges from the fog lunging mouth first and Erwin slides back, struggling against its jaws, anchoring both swords into its teeth.

Levi looks briefly at Mike's body slumped forward in the saddle in front of him. 

"Shit." He pulls hard on the reins, turning around sharply.

"Make sure this idiot gets back," Levi snaps at the soldier passing him. 

Large shadows appear at the rear behind Erwin and the last remaining men.

"Where are you going?! Levi!"

 

 

The fleet reaches the second checkpoint by nightfall. 

Levi remembers this place as the first time he didn't have Isabel and Farlan with him. He looks up at the rain, letting it drip down his face. The first time he lost his friends and gained purpose all the same. Life was hell.

Soldiers all around start moving the supplies into the large abandoned grain house. If the man who had given him this new found direction had not survived, what then?

Erwin had not spoken to him the entire ride back. 

As they close the gate, a messenger relays to Erwin that Shadis is calling for him. Impassive blue eyes lock with his.

"Wait outside. I would like to speak with you afterwards."

Levi dismounts into the mud and follows in silence. He ignores the murmurs and stares as he walks past.

Still soaking wet, he stands in the hall outside Shadis's makeshift meeting room and suppresses the slight tremors running up his spine. He leans further into the wall. The guard posted at the door looks at the blood spattered all over his uniform and face but says nothing.

Levi can hear voices inside, but can't make out Erwin's from anyone else's, head feeling heavier and heavier as each minute passes. He doesn't realize his vision starts to blur until its too late. 

The last thing he remembers is the sound of a strong voice.

"Levi, it's all right, I've got you."


	3. Chapter 3

This feeling of longing never seems to leave me.  
\-----

 

Gray eyes flutter open at the sound of voices.

Hange smiles at Levi from the foot of the bed. “So you are human after all.”

“...Where am I?” His own voice sounds foreign to him. 

“Officers are staying on the second level.” Erwin sits next to him, wringing the cloth on his forehead into a bucket of water.

He closes his eyes, breathing shallow. Levi realizes he’s naked under the covers, feels filthy with the sweat pooling down his back. 

“Do you remember what happened?” Hange asks. Levi just stares at her, head too unsteady to answer. She rambles on about his illness, compounded by the fact that he hasn’t been sleeping, something about physical exertion and weather in the Underground. Levi can’t understand her coherently, lids heavy and eyes drifting off. 

Hange stops talking immediately, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Get one of the medical officers, Hange,” Erwin orders. 

Erwin presses a cool hand against his forehead, checking his temperature. Levi’s skin burns at his touch. 

“I…”

Sitting next to him like this, Levi thinks how uncommonly blue Erwin’s eyes are. His eyes wander down Erwin’s jawline to his throat. For the first time, in his vulnerable, half delirious state, Levi admits to himself that he may actually want him. 

"What is it?" he murmurs.

His voice trails off. "...really hate you."

Erwin’s eyes study him, expression softening.

"I know." Levi's breathing becomes more uneven as Erwin looks down at him, so incredibly close.

"Levi,” he says, but he’s already lost consciousness.

 

Levi wakes to a wooden ceiling. Erwin is standing fully uniformed, grinding up a combination of powders into a mortar on the table. It’s daybreak already.

The room feels warm and dry, and Levi can feel his mind clearer than its been in days. He watches Erwin’s profile in silence, uncertain of how much he did or didn’t say last night in his disordered state.

At some point, Erwin feels his eyes on him because he looks up, face back to its usual cold expression.

“How do you feel?”

Levi sits up. “Fine.” He retrieves his belongings at the foot of the bed and starts dressing immediately, beginning with a dried shirt. 

Erwin moves to pour the powder into some water, turning his back to him in the process. The silence between them is uncomfortable. 

Levi’s head spins when he sits again to pull on his boots, grimacing. “I hope that you will take better care of yourself in the future.” Erwin sits into the chair across from the bed, stance formal, facing him. 

“Drink.” 

Levi takes the cup and notes the medicine clouding the water. He swallows all of it. It’s bitter.

Erwin takes the cup from him and pours another, ignoring his expression.

“This stuff better not get me constipated,” he warns against the side, but drinks again. Erwin's lips twist slightly, but his neutral expression is quickly put back into place. The events of yesterday hang heavily between them. Levi decides to speak up first.

“If you're going to stupidly put your trust in me, at least stick around long enough to see if it was worth the trouble.”

“It already was,” Erwin says quietly. Levi catches his resigned smile as he stands. 

“I don't mind if you hate me for saving my life, Levi.”

Erwin leaves him sitting there, his heart pounding in his chest.

 

Levi watches from his horse as Torben, the young soldier he had instructed to look after Mike, struggles to help the taller man towards his replacement horse. Mike was limping, but overall seemed back to his usual self. 

He notices how Erwin clasps a hand on Mike’s shoulder to exchange words with him as he passes. Save for last night when he was ill, he’s acutely aware of how Erwin never touches him casually, always maintains a discreet distance. 

Levi steps in and unceremoniously yanks Mike up into the saddle. 

“What the hell do you eat, Mike? You're heavy as shit.”

Mike grunts sharply at the pain but then laughs. “Thanks, shorty.” Levi's face darkens. “I owe you one.” Mike gives him a knowing expression before clicking his tongue and nudging his horse into a trot. “Come on, we take the middle today.”

“Fuck you,” Levi mutters under his breath. 

As they ride south, Levi can feel how his head sits heavier on his shoulders, the wind reaching the core of his body. There’s a slight tremor that still won't leave him, but he pushes onward in a gallop next to Mike. It’s a bright day and they’ve switched to the formation for long distance enemy detection. Erwin is at the front lines, having moved Levi and Mike to the center.

Three red flares fire in near consecution off in the distance to the right.  
A green flare follows shortly from the front of the formation, and Levi pulls the reins left to align with it. The air is strangely quiet. He doesn’t know how many titans they’ve encountered or how many men have died from this position. 

The battalion changes course eight more times before setting up checkpoint at a small abandoned village. Shadis decides to use the old stone mill as their central base and Erwin follows him. Levi doesn’t see him after that. Soldiers all around start loading supplies and busy themselves with fortifications to the walls. 

At nightfall, Levi cleans his swords as Hange brews him medicine. 

“I wonder where all the titans went today. Maybe it was the rain?”

“Who knows.”

“Well, in any case,” she pauses to pour the water, “Erwin’s formation did well to protect the supplies today, don’t you think?” She hands him a cup, smiling. “I wonder what he thinks about all the time. Wouldn’t mind dissecting that brain of his.”

Levi makes a face before downing the cup, but had to silently agree with her. What the hell did Erwin think about all the time?

“Probably about how to turn criminals into titan food.”

Hange smile widens. “You made a joke! You must be feeling better. Here, there’s still another cup.”

“Are you always this loud?” Hange’s expression doesn’t change as she watches him drink. 

Levi stares at her, deadpanned. “What?”

Hange shrugs, eyes wandering over him for a moment. Her voice lowers. “I can understand what Erwin sees in you. You’re different, special. You’re also much kinder than you let on to be.”

Levi snorts as he gets up, hitting the top of her head with the hilt of his sword before walking away. 

“You’re weird as hell.”

 

A messenger on horseback relays news from the front the next morning and directs multiple soldiers from squad three to move up. The entire team next to Erwin had been wiped out. The titans, notably absent yesterday, had returned twofold. People were dying left and right on the front lines.

Levi pulls back from Mike to assist the team at the rear. As he kills the last titan following the fleet, he is forced to kneel after trying to stand. Steadying himself against his sword, he clutches his face briefly, vision whirling. 

“Levi, can you stand? We have to get going,” the soldier next to him urges.

His nerves are on edge the rest of the day. He knows why but isn't ready to acknowledge it.

They stop briefly in the afternoon to account for the dead. Levi finds Erwin alone in the officer's tent reviewing the names of the deceased. Relief washes over him.

"Erwin." 

Levi pauses, registering it’s the first time he’s called him by name.

Erwin looks up at him, mask firmly set in place.

“Yes?”

“Put me in the front.”

Erwin's eyes study him for a moment. “I won't allow it. Wait until you're fully recovered.” He starts to leave, ending the conversation.

“None of you will survive into the next day at this rate, least of all you.” Erwin halts next to him. Levi ignores how his eyes seem to bore right through him as he firmly blocks his path. “You know I'm the only one capable.”

Erwin’s voice goes incredibly still. “Does my death make you afraid, Levi?” he asks, hand suddenly gripping his arm.

Levi’s body immediately stiffens and he narrows his eyes. “Let go…”

He steps closer. “I will die. Whether it be tomorrow, the next day, or years from now. This fact won't change.” 

The way Erwin says it without any emotion further angers him. “I said let the fuck go…”

Erwin backs him into the table and Levi’s breathing quickens as he towers over him.

He grips the edge hard. “I should have just killed you when I had the chance,” he bites.

Erwin’s face changes, something akin to pain ghosting his features. “Yes, it would have been easier,” he whispers.

“Squad leader Erwin! Your presence is requested at the front, sir!” a soldier calls from outside.

Erwin pulls away and slips out of tent, leaving him alone.

 

They pass through Shinganshina on the seventh day. Levi can barely tolerate the whispers and stares from the crowd, the wails of mourning as the bodies of the dead return. The fleet reaches headquarters by nightfall.

He forces himself to stare straight ahead as Erwin rides a little ways from him with Renly, the physical tension between them palpable. Erwin hasn't spoken to him directly in days. He’s careful never to be alone with Levi. 

Levi returns to the barracks and flings himself onto the bed. The soldiers around him keep a safe distance, sensing his bad mood. He sees Erwin's weapons report still tucked above his bed where he left it. Reaching up to the underside of the bunk, Levi runs a hand against the seams, checking that his knife was still hidden beside it. 

He knows he won’t be able to sleep, remembering a simpler time when he sat in Erwin's office reading this report across from him. Would it always be like this now? His mind plays over and over again what would have happened had they not been interrupted. Desire pools in his abdomen. 

Levi hesitates before finally deciding to go and find him.

 

Erwin returns to his room that night to find Levi against the door. His eyes darken. 

“You really shouldn't be here.” Even as he says so, he unlocks the door and stands aside to let him in.

The lock clicks loudly behind them. 

“Levi-”

Levi takes hold of his throat and slams him against the door, furious gray eyes looking up into impassive blue. He can feel Erwin’s rapid pulse beneath his fingers.

“Stop talking... just stop talking…”

He loosens his grip and then they’re suddenly meeting in an angry, crushing kiss. Erwin’s hands are on his jaw, in his hair. Levi lets himself succumb to the attraction he’s felt since the moment they’d met, lets Erwin walk them towards the bed.

His breath hitches as Erwin pushes him into the mattress, yanking off his pants. He can feel himself trembling as the rest of their clothes drop to the floor. He’s everywhere, towering over him, running his hands all over his body, spreading his legs.

Levi rakes his eyes over his long muscular torso, sculpted shoulders, strong jawline, his massive cock, and leans into his every touch with anticipation. He sees stars when Erwin penetrates him with a finger, hips buckling. 

Erwin bites his shoulder and holds him down, predatory gaze watching every contortion on his face. He tries to control his breathing. Erwin’s mouth moves to his collarbone, the ends of his hair tickling Levi’s neck. 

Levi throws his head back and digs his nails into Erwin’s ribs when he hits that spot, adding fingers and stroking him.

“... Erwin..”

Erwin’s lips skirt his chin and he runs a hand through his hair.

“Yes?” he breathes.

“I can't... please…”

“Please what?”

Levi gives him a murderous glare. “You're a fucking masochist…”

“What do you want me to do, Levi?” His fingers quicken, making Levi squeeze his eyes shut and push back against him in a pleading moan.

“Fuck me, I want you to fuck me…”

Erwin takes out his fingers and pushes his knees up, meeting his eyes. Levi grimaces in pain when he enters. Erwin leans forward to capture his mouth, muffling his groan. 

“Relax,” his whispers, gently nipping his ear. 

Levi breaths unevenly as shivers course down his spine. Erwin strokes his hair and he meets his lips again in a deep kiss. He starts long and slow and Levi can’t prevent the sounds that escape him. 

Eventually, Erwin spread his legs further and changes angles. Levi bites his lip hard enough to draw blood as he begins a relentless pace, slamming into him, his moans catching in his throat. 

Erwin’s hand comes between them to stroke him. He comes on his stomach, shivering as Erwin’s thrusts quicken and he comes inside him. 

Levi can’t remember what happens next. 

 

He wakes slowly to candle light. Laying on his side, buried under the covers, Levi watches as Erwin reads a stack of papers at his desk. The other man looked different, human, with his hair in slight disarray and his shirt unbuttoned. Levi’s own clothes are folded over the chair.

Erwin must hear his movements because he looks up, eyes completely unguarded as he gazes at Levi. 

He moves to sit next to him on the bed. 

“Sleep.”

A warm hand gently tilts his face up as he leans down, pressing his lips between his brows. It surprises Levi, after how rough they’d fucked. 

He smells good. Levi grabs his collar before he can leave, pulling him closer. Erwin meets his lips in a long, deep kiss and Levi can feel his body filling with desire, shifting to push up into his mouth. Erwin's hand runs down his naked side.

Erwin holds him tightly as they have sex again, this time thrusting slowly and intimately from behind in an agonizing pace. Levi is halfway on his side and stomach moaning into the pillow, feeling like he’s going to die. Erwin leaves marks all over his shoulder, presses his lips against his hair, and doesn’t let him go.

 

When he wakes again, Erwin's asleep next to him, breathing silently and evenly against the crook of his neck. He looks younger and at peace. Levi gets up and dresses quickly. He takes one look back at Erwin before slipping out.

Levi stands under the shower, the aching and red marks all over his body the only proof of what happened last night. He touches the bruises on his hip.

He’s never experienced an emotional and physical connection with anyone like this. 

It was a rest day at headquarters. The grounds were quiet, most soldiers absent from the base. Levi walks to the stables and leads his horse onto the field with a brush and bucket of water. He washes the dirt and mud caked on her legs, knowing someone would eventually have stable duty, but wanting to do it himself. When Levi gets to the front, she snorts happily against his face. He pushes her nose away and wipes the spit off his face, sighing. 

Erwin watches him from his office window.

“Erwin, good morning!” Hange walks in with a stack of papers.

“Good morning. Did you rest well?”

“I can't now that I won't be able to see my beloved titans.” She groans as little as she sits. 

Erwin turns away from the window, lightly grimacing at her words. “Let's get started on the reports.”

An hour later when Hange breaks for tea, she watches him silently.

“Say, Erwin.” 

“Yes?” He doesn't look up, still writing.

“You look different today.”

“How so?” he asks, not missing a beat.

“You look relaxed, happy even.” Erwin's pen pauses for a fraction of a second before continuing. “Did something good happen? You seemed distracted yesterday.”

He glances up briefly to her tilted head, her eyes filled with curiosity over the rim of the cup.

“Can I not be relieved to return alive with my subordinates?”

“I suppose that's the right thing to say, but you've never been one to worry about your own death.”

At that, Erwin puts his pen down and sits back into his chair, studying her.

Hange apologizes. “I didn't mean to offend you, Erwin.”

“You didn't. Continue.”

Hange looks wary for a moment. “This isn't the first time someone's said this to you, is it?”

“No, it isn't.” Erwin takes a sip from his cup.” So tell me, what would you have me do?”

“Shadis favors you over the other high-ranking officers. He's priming you to become the next commander. Everyone, including you, knows this on one level or another. If he had been killed in action yesterday, it would have been up to you to bring us back to the wall. Perhaps it's time you protect your position and fall back.”

Erwin doesn't say anything for a moment, eyes carefully trained on her. 

“Have you not considered that perhaps taking the most dangerous positions advances my own goals in a more direct fashion?”

Hange’s eyes widen a bit, but she stares back evenly, now understanding how Erwin was set on carving his career. No one would follow him so willingly if he didn't put himself at equal if not greater risk to the men next to him. “You're just as scary as the titans.”

Erwin smiles forlornly as he gets up and stands by the window again. He thinks of his father. 

“If what you suggest becomes true, over time, I'm afraid even you won't recognize who I am, Hange.”

“I'm willing to protect your decisions, Erwin. I realized a long time ago that my vision to learn more about the titans, more about this world we live in simply won't be possible without you in command.”

“I see.” He turns to her. “Then it seems we understand one another.”

 

Levi doesn't see Erwin for the next two days, needing to mentally sort out all the lines they’ve just crossed alone.

Mike recovers rapidly from his injury and trains with him, gaining strength every time they spar. Humanity's strongest, they're calling him. A load of shit is what Levi thinks.

After eating, Levi makes his way up to the roof. When he takes the final step, his breathing stops.

Erwin is standing alone near the ledge he once sat with Farlan and Isabel, staring up at the stars. Levi traces his figure against the sky, how the wind sweeps through his cloak. 

“How long have you known about me coming here?” he asks.

“Long enough.” Erwin turns to look at him then, the depth of his blue eyes making Levi feel transparent. 

He could feel it again, this connection between them, always pulling him to Erwin. He couldn’t explain it. 

“Would you like to be alone?” Erwin watches him calmly.

“Not particularly.”

They stare out at the starry night. The entire sky seems to glow and Levi breathes deeply as the wind caresses his skin.

“...What do you think about when you look up from here?”

Levi narrows his eyes. “Do you always ask these kind of questions?”

Erwin exhales shortly, amused, but his face remains impassive. “Indulge me.”

Levi doesn't say anything for awhile. 

“About being free.”

Erwin's turns to face him, eyes incredibly blue. Levi holds his ground as he closes the distance between them. Erwin reaches his hand out slowly, giving him the option of pulling away. His fingers move to gently touch his face. 

Levi’s eyes lid briefly at the sensation, trying to even his breathing before looking up at him, jaw tight, remaining very still.

“We can stop this anytime you wish.”

“... And if I don't want to?” he challenges.

Erwin studies him for a moment and Levi sees a fleeting moment of sadness in his expression before it disappears.

“Then I suppose that makes two of us.”

It will be difficult, even more so when one of them eventually dies. Erwin knows this. But neither of them can seem to stop it either. 

Levi pulls at his collar and Erwin captures his lips in a kiss. He lets himself forgo all other thoughts in that moment.


	4. Chapter 4

"It is under the most unfortunate of circumstances that you are called here today. Very shortly, a list of missing, deceased, and officers injured and otherwise unable to serve in the line of duty will be presented to you. Their names will be retired from the Corps with full decorations for their service. 

I would like you to consider very carefully the soldiers you approve to uphold and honor the duties of these fallen comrades. Four names were moved forward from each squad."

Erwin posts two large documents onto the board. Renly and Loring, leader of squad three, stand next to him as the team leaders read, grave eyes traveling down the lists. 

Everything about the meeting, down to Erwin's short speech, was well rehearsed. No soldier in the room was stranger to this post-expedition ritual. After a long moment, he gestures around the lecture hall, silently asking them each to speak.

"Mike, please start." 

"Move to approve all." 

"Move to approve all, sir."

"Sir, move to approve all."

"Move to approve all."

Hange sits at the last seat of the row and hesitates. "Sir... what about Levi?"

The room goes silent. 

"What of him?" Renly asks.

Hange's eyes wander to meet Erwin's, silently asking for help. He stares back evenly, choosing not to say anything.

Loring speaks up. "I've heard a lot about this soldier from the Underground they're calling 'humanity's strongest.' Is it true he's singlehandedly killed over two dozen titans, Erwin?"

Erwin pauses for a moment before finally answering.

"Yes."

Some soldiers shift in their seats, looking at one another.

"Putting aside his combat abilities, do you feel a criminal can lead our men to probable cause?" Loring furrows his eyebrows at Erwin, then looks to the room.

Nanaba stands. "Sir, I second team leader Hange as someone who's overseen Levi's training. The answer to your question is yes."

Another veteran officer, Wagner, joins, rising slowly from his seat. "If I may, sir. Levi may be... His background may have perturbed the soldiers in the past, but this has long had any legs to stand on. My men at the rear guard wouldn't hesitate to follow and fight along side him again. He's the only reason I'm currently standing here. I second team leader Hange."

Two officers from the rear guard rise as well. Mike follows, shooting Erwin a wry look as he shifts his weight to one leg.

"And which potential soldier would you look to replace Levi with, Wagner?" Renly asks, gesturing to the document at the front.

Erwin steps forward, having heard enough.

"It seems we are fortunate to have many able men. Having heard your requests, I motion to move Levi's name for future consideration. Anyone with specific concerns can see me between that time as his supervising officer. Any questions?"

No one interjects.

"Very well, let's continue." 

Erwin catches Hange's grin from the corner of his eye.

 

 

"Come in."

Erwin looks up from his desk to see Hange move to close the door behind her.

"Hange. Good afternoon. Unfortunately, I'm to attend a meeting shortly. Would you like to walk with me or does your visit warrant a private conversation?" He stands and gathers the papers at his desk as he speaks, looking up at her.

She waits at the door, smiling casually. "I can walk with you, Erwin."

"Go ahead," he prompts in the hallway.

Hange follows next to him, letting Erwin lead the way. 

"We've known one another for a long time, Erwin."

"Yes."

"So if I told you I got the feeling you left his name off on purpose knowing I or someone else would say something... that wouldn't be too far off from the truth, would it?"

"You give me too much credit."

"I wonder if you even believe that."

"Do you have anything else to discuss aside from conjecture?" 

Hange shrugs. "You can invite me into your plans, I don't mind playing along."

Erwin pauses and Hange notices how his steps slow slightly.

"It's better if you don't know some things, Hange."

"That bad, huh? Well, remember what I said to you in any case. I'm willing to protect your decisions. You don't have to do everything alone."

Erwin looks down at her, cold and formal expression softening a bit.

"Thank you, I'll remember that."

 

 

It's well past midnight when the door to Erwin's office shuts rather loudly.

He watches from his desk as Levi unceremoniously drops into the chair across from him and hangs an arm over the backrest, resting a leg on his knee.

"Hey," he greets shorty.

Erwin nods. "Levi."

He watches as surly gray eyes travel over the papers on his desk, then up to him. Erwin holds his gaze, studies his dark expression.

He hasn't seen Levi in several days. The other man looks as if he's been undergoing intensive training, exposed skin tight, a light sheen coating his neck. Levi eventually looks away, unable to hold eye contact. The attraction between them hangs heavily in the air.

Erwin looks back down at his work, waiting for him to make the first move.

"Do you ever leave this office, or do you shit in here too?"

He smiles, amused. "Apparently not enough to your standards."

Levi's abrasive manner of speaking made it difficult for soldiers to approach him, but it was this straightforward nature that Erwin appreciated. What Levi had to say to him was honest, or done otherwise without any words. 

They were both people too emotionally distant to play games with one another.

Erwin takes his key from the inside of his jacket and holds it out to him.

"I'll be finished shortly."

Levi frowns, but snatches it from his hand anyways. "As if I really need to use this to break in." 

"Manners, Levi."

 

When Erwin enters his room later that night, Levi sits on his desk, elbow on his knee, staring out at the sky.

Erwin walks towards him, tosses his key and a stack of papers onto the desk, and stands in front of him.

Levi looks up, eyes dark.

"How have you been?" Erwin asks quietly.

"I don't know." 

 

Levi writhes beneath him on the bed. Erwin forces his wrist down with his hand and holds his leg spread apart with the other to keep him still, angling into him.

Blood pulses against his fingers as Levi struggles, raking the nails of his free hand across his back.

Erwin grimaces, and angrily fucks into him harder.

Levi's voice hitches in his throat as his face twists in pleasure at the new pace. It makes Erwin harder.

"Look at me," he breathes.

The other man glares murderously up at him, eyes hazy and dilated. Erwin leans forward to kiss him and Levi shoves his tongue into his mouth in response, frustrated.

They were close. He immediately slows and Levi shivers under him as he pulls out and turns him onto his side. 

"Don't stop," Levi whispers, panting raggedly between his lips.

He keeps his movements long and slow, hovering over him, their faces intimately close. Levi pushes back against him, moaning.

He was starting to tremble.

Erwin touches his jaw and runs his fingers through his hair, cradling the back of his neck. They kiss again, deeply this time.

When he pulls away, Levi looks up at him with an expression so vulnerable that Erwin feels his chest still.

No one's ever looked at him that way.

 

It slowly disappears as Levi recovers face down on the bed, eyes quickly gaining clarity as his breathing evens.

Erwin resists the urge to take him again just to see it. He instead absently strokes the damp black strands of his hair as he sits next to him.

Levi shivers a bit at the touch and briefly closes his eyes. Erwin stops when he pulls his arm down and climbs to straddle his hips, looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

He reaches up to touch his face and exhales painfully as Levi leans into his hand.

What on earth were they doing?

 

 

"Sorry I'm late."

Erwin undoes his cloak, still fully uniformed, and approaches Mike at the bar. It was relatively empty, save for a few patrons in the back.

Mike shakes his head to show he wasn't bothered and calls over the bartender. He's donned in civilian clothes nursing a beer.

"Oh, squad leader Erwin! It's been a while! Your usual whiskey, sir?"

"Darius. Thank you."

"Budget proposal all set I take it?" Mike asks when Darius moves away.

"Yes." Erwin sits on the stool two seats from Mike, resting a long leg on the crossbar.

"You look terrible."

Erwin nods and smiles shortly at the bartender as he places the drink in front of him.

"I've had worse days."

Mike looks at him sidelong and raises his eyebrows briefly in understanding. His eyes wander down to his recovering leg.

Erwin catches the look and brings the glass up to his face, inhaling. 

"I know the doctor in town if you'd like further treatment, Mike."

"Nah. I'm just getting old. Can't even keep up with criminals anymore."

Erwin silently agrees after his previous night with Levi and takes a sip. The whiskey was strong. He stares at the copper liquid, swirling it slowly in his hand.

"I'll stop down tomorrow. The day after I leave for the capital."

"Yeah. You should see him. It's like he's been in the Corps for years. Too bad his personality sucks." Erwin smiles a bit as Mike takes a swig. "Emotionless bastard."

Erwin stares straight ahead in silence for a moment, arm folded on the counter.

"I disagree. He's a rather emotional person."

"Ever the type to read people, Erwin."

The small group of civilians in the back get up to leave. Mike notices how the woman with them eyes Erwin, her gaze traveling down his body. He smiles to himself and takes another swig.

"Mind if I join you gentlemen?" she asks.

Erwin looks up and smiles tightly. He gestures to Mike, silently telling him to go ahead.

"Sorry lady, he's the monogamous type," Mike says.

She blinks. "Nevermind, didn't mean to interrupt."

Erwin says nothing as she leaves, face impassive. He thinks back to Levi sitting on his desk.

"You ever thought about getting married?" Mike asks.

"No." Erwin takes another sip. "I don't know when I'll die. It wouldn't be fair to her or any children we'd have."

Even as the words leave him, Erwin knows he should have left Levi alone, should have ignored the burning in his chest every time he saw him. He was definitely going to hell. 

Mike watches as he downs his drink. Darius pours him another.

"It seems you made up your mind a long time ago."

Erwin keeps silent. After a while, Mike speaks up again and raises his glass slightly.

"Hey, I know it isn't until next week but... happy new year. Hard to believe we've made it this far."

Erwin nods and does the same.

"To another year."

 

Mike grimaces a bit when they stand to leave an hour later. Erwin grips his arm to steady him.

"Sorry, it's this damn leg."

"I'm sure the alcohol doesn't help either."

"Maybe."

Erwin lets go and Mike exhales slowly.

"You know... I've been meaning to tell you you smell like soap and anger."

"Do I."

"Yeah. It's interesting."

"I'm sure."

 

Erwin walks onto the training grounds at sundown. His team leaders on duty immediately stand at attention. Erwin takes their reports of the soldiers for the day and separately, their write-up of Levi, and tucks it underneath his arm.

He watches Levi square off against Mike and two other veteran soldiers nearby, deftly deflecting their swords as they surround him and using his 3D maneuver gear to scale the trees. He was fast, his movements nearly double the speed of the other soldiers. Levi makes quick work of shattering their blades one by one, using the height in the air to his advantage.

Erwin couldn't help but think there was a beauty and strength to his movements unlike anything he'd ever seen.

A team leader calls an end to the session.

Levi's face changes when he sees him, clearly surprised that the comment he'd made in his office didn't hold true today.

"Levi," Erwin calls, "Come to my office when you're finished here."

"... All right."

 

"These papers outline the duties of an officer. I would like you to read it and let me know if there's something you disagree with." Erwin hands the pages to Levi and watches his reaction carefully.

Levi's steely eyes scan the first few words before traveling back up to him. 

"Was this your idea or someone else's?"

"Consider it a collective decision. You don't have to answer me today. Just review it to see if there are any tasks you feel you can't perform."

Levi looks as if he has a few choice words he'd like to say but continues reading in silence. Erwin stands to prepare some tea. He puts down a cup in front of Levi.

"Thanks," he mutters shortly.

After a moment Levi sits back, placing the papers back down on the desk rather loudly.

"You guys low on your monthly quota or something?" he mutters, taking a sip.

"I'll be returning from the capital in a few days. Sit on it for now and tell me what you think then."

Levi nods and then stares down at the tea. After a moment he leans forward to peer into the teapot. 

"I was in town yesterday. Locals here steep wildflowers in their tea."

"I'm taking the tin then if you're not going to be around."

Erwin smiles.

"That's fine. It's on the shelf."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments thus far :) I appreciate you taking the time to read my work!


	5. Chapter 5

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Year 845

\---

Erwin passes the new year in the capital. 

At sundown the next day, there's commotion in the courtyard as soldiers assemble to receive the commander and Erwin.

Levi listens carefully from the training grounds, keeping a safe distance from the crowds. The steps of the officers returning from debriefing later that hour are faster and more deliberate. It tells him what he needs to know.

A messenger calls for Levi at the conclusion of training. Erwin wishes to see him. He can feel his body react to those words, days of frustration built deep in his abdomen, anticipating what they would be doing later that night. 

Erwin is standing at the window when he enters his office, staring pensively.

"Levi. Come in," he says, turning. 

Levi drops heavily into the chair, damp hair sticking slightly to his face. Seeing Erwin after some time apart, his height, the manipulative nature of his piercing stare, the assertive will he held over Levi made him feel both controlled and shielded again. It was a conflicting emotion.

"Your training reports were positive. How are things?"

Erwin always started with that question. He takes a seat and Levi studies him, now closer. Despite his ever cold and professional facade, he could make out the fatigue in Erwin's eyes. He was thinking, worn down by something.

"Better than whatever scheme you're tied up in. Your expression says it all."

Blue eyes darken and his lips twist slightly.

"Are you concerned for me?"

The question catches Levi off guard. Despite the warning bells in his head, he mutters, "Politics isn't my thing."

"Our next expedition was funded. We'll start preparations for these two upcoming months. I want to move you to Hange's team temporarily."

Levi's brows furrow. "That shitty four-eyes? For what reason?"

"She has an affinity for you. You'd do well to learn from her."

"I never agreed to becoming an officer."

"No, and you don't have to yet."

Erwin's expression softens. "I have some business to attend to these next few weeks. However, I will be here if you have any questions or need anything."

Levi stares at him. It must be bad.

Erwin smiles at him briefly before gathering documents from his desk, standing. 

"Come see me tonight. I'm leaving for a meeting now." 

Levi watches as he walks towards the finance bureau, heart hammering in his chest. It bothered him just how casually Erwin admitted to having both unfavorable plans and motives to fuck him all in the same conversation. Disturbing, and a turn on.

Who was the real villain here? 

 

 

Levi stares out at the courtyard from Erwin's window. He rests the side of his head against the glass, feeling the cold numb his skin, his heat glazing the surface. 

For the last several days, he's noticed how the other soldiers look at him differently. He had always been use to their stares, the fearful, condemning kind, but their eyes were clear when they spoke to him now, searching. They saw something. Or were catching up to whatever the hell Hange said Erwin saw anyways. He couldn't help but wonder how Erwin knew. How did he know Levi would be here?

The door opens and closes quietly. Levi keeps staring out the window, his skin prickling at the sound of the lock, feeling Erwin's body approach. The other man always filled every space he walked into. There was never any room to breathe around him.

Erwin moves to stand between his legs, trapping him to the desk. Levi feels a fire light deep inside of him and looks up. Erwin starts undressing him, cold eyes traveling down every centimeter of his exposed skin and Levi impatiently reaches forward to undo his belt. He pulls Erwin's shirt loose from the firm abdominal muscles underneath and wraps his fingers around his hard cock. Erwin stiffens at his touch but doesn't stop, movements becoming more urgent as he pulls off his pants. 

Having him fully unclothed, Erwin slides his hips forward to the edge and starts fingering him.

He felt vulnerable like this, legs spread, being penetrated. Levi rocks his hips back until Erwin hits him in that spot. He loses it. Erwin runs his free hand all over his body and Levi's unable to control the sounds that escape him, quivering under his touch.

"Erwin," he warns, half pleads, grabbing his arm. 

Levi thinks he's going to take him right there and then as he presses his legs to his side, silently asking him to wrap them around his waist, but strong arms circle his torso and lift him up instead. Levi inhales in surprise and immediately grips his shoulders as Erwin backs him into the wall. 

"What the fuck- uhhh!"

His anger disappears when Erwin pushes into him hard. The angle's so good, deep and imitate, their bodies incredibly close with Erwin leveraging him against the wall.

Levi clings to him as he fucks him harder and harder, moaning every time he uses the weight of his body to slam down on his cock. Erwin begins fisting him mercilessly and a litany of curses escape his lips as he comes between them, shivering. Erwin bites the skin beneath his collarbone and Levi takes it, letting him thrust until he comes inside of him.

Erwin gently lays him back onto the bed and his limbs fall loosely onto the mattress. Levi stares up at him, Erwin's come running down the inside of his thighs. It's disgusting and turns him on all the same, letting Erwin mark him like this.

Erwin watches with grim fascination, hovering over him. 

"You're a fucking pervert..." 

Erwin's lips twist and he starts stroking him again, a leg pushing his thighs apart.

They have sex two more times before Levi near passes out. 

 

 

His body trembles at random all throughout the next day. To say what they were doing was the most incredible he'd ever felt would be an understatement. Levi had never willingly surrendered himself to anyone, had never felt a connection this consuming, this deep. It frightened him, made him feel alive.

He avoids seeing Erwin for the time being, returning to the barracks the next several nights, but found sleep alluded him even there.

This yearning wouldn't leave him. Yearning for what exactly Levi didn't know. 

Maybe he didn't want to.

 

Hange enthusiastically walks him through her various responsibilities in the meantime. It was a timely distraction and Levi observed carefully, tolerated her strange behavior, tried to look at her deranged and genius methods through Erwin's eyes. 

There was a reason Erwin valued her. What's clear was that Hange supported Erwin's decisions, was wholeheartedly on his side, possibly even before the commander's. Levi had also figured out by now that she had something to do with his temporary move. Unfortunately for her soldiers, who were quite young, that meant not knowing who to be scared of more, himself or Hange.

Watching the trust and obedience in her soldiers stirred something in him. His decisions had led Isabel and Farlan to their deaths. Hange had survived losing nearly ten times as many good men, comrades, friends, and still had to will to make the best decisions she could for others regardless of the outcome. She was like Erwin, saw what the real problem was. 

Perhaps it wasn't entirely outside of him.

Levi knows Erwin had made this arrangement with more than one ulterior motive in mind, but it didn't perturb him so much anymore.

He would trust Erwin's judgment. 

 

 

Levi goes to see him the night after and is left utterly spent, unable to regain his composure. Erwin holds him tightly, hand in his hair, watching his every expression with a mixture of interest and concern. It was intimate, lying facing him like this. As much as he wanted to, Levi couldn't bring himself to push him away, turn and leave, anything.

It was the first time he slept in Erwin's bed through the night.

Levi found himself staying with Erwin more and more as the next expedition crept closer, naked body pressed against his side under the covers. He sometimes watched him sleep, committing his every feature to memory, knowing there would come a day he would no longer be able to.

"In a world without titans, I could have been an ordinary man." Erwin says abruptly one night.

"... What are you trying to say?"

Erwin looks at him in a way that makes his chest pain, bringing his face closer to Levi's. "Nothing."

He dreamt of a sea the color of Erwin's eyes that night.

 

 

All the practiced formations fail when they leave the southern city. There were so many titans so close to the wall this time, no one seemed to understand why. 

The first checkpoint is quickly overrun by titans and falls within two hours. It was the first time Levi saw the fortifications fail to hold.

All the supplies they carried up to the fourth checkpoint during the last expedition, money bled out of the bureaucrats by Erwin himself, years spent securing the supply route with trenches, walls, blood... all lost in less than a day.

There was nothing to show for their efforts.

Erwin's right arm is bleeding as they retreat back to Shinganshina with less than half their men, and Shadis falls from grace with a very public breakdown.

Levi rides at the center next to Hange, watching Erwin and Shadis speak in the distance at the front lines. The fleet was moving slowly, carrying too many dead and injured with them.

They are about six kilometers from base when someone from the rear guard fires a red flare. At first, Levi turns thinking it's a mistake made by a rookie solider. His heart stops when he sees plumes of smoke from the southern city billowing into the sky. 

Murmurs of horror course through the fleet. 

"The wall has fallen!"

"Has the inner wall been breached!?"

For a moment everything goes still as soldiers all around stare, mouths gaping, petrified. And then the ground trembles violently beneath them, shaking the horses. 

Erwin rides around the outside, face grim with horror as the tremors stop.

"Torben!" he summons. The young man pulls forward, fear struck expression suppressed only slightly as Erwin stops opposite him. Torben was Erwin's fastest rider.

"I need you to ride to Trost. Alert Commander Pixis that the wall has been breached. Tell him to prepare the Garrison to receive refugees and send out riders to the capital immediately."

"Sir!"

"Go now, don't look back."

Levi watches as Torben kicks his horse hard and turns north.

Wagner approaches Erwin. "Where is the commander? What are his orders, Erwin?" he demands, panicked.

Erwin's voice is tight, tone lowering. "Commander Shadis is unable to take command. I will be leading in his stead."

Wagner calls all soldiers to prepare to receive orders and everyone's eyes fall on him.

"Level ten soldiers, refill what remaining gas and blades we have with us. Evacuation is the priority. We empty all surrounding villages until we reach the city of Trost. It should be assumed the inner wall has fallen. Do not engage any titans you see, preserve the use of your 3D maneuver gear as much as possible. 

We will keep our flare system intact. Red for titans sited. Fire green when you reach a village or town and use blue to communicate sections evacuated. If you should see a black flare from myself or another squad leader, make for Wall Rose, retreat to Trost immediately.

Squad leader Loring will ride east with the commander. Renly, you take your men west. My squad will stay and evacuate the town we passed. Save as many lives as you can."

Loring and Renly nod in unison and Erwin looks to them.

"Since we will be separated, use your own judgement. Regroup at the Garrison headquarters at Trost should all else fail. Move out!"

Officers immediately echo his orders and Levi jumps onto the supply cart. His gas meter is near empty. He quickly refills as Mike sheathes new blades he collected next to him and crouches to join.

Hange's soldier, Cora, runs to stand at his side. 

"How many blades do you need, sir?"

"Four," he snaps, too hurried to correct her honorific. 

"Right away!"

"Wait. Cut the horses from the carts. Bring them with us."

He steps off the cart and cuts the black mare loose, leading it to join his mount. Cora returns with four blades and he sheaths the swords immediately. 

"Levi, Mike, this way," Erwin calls.

He passes them and rides ahead to the town with several soldiers in tow.

A green flare looms in the sky when the first team enters the town.

The bells are already tolling. There's widespread panic as people run about in every which direction. 

Levi sees a young woman running back towards her house.

"Leave immediately! There's no time."

"My father can't walk! I have to help him!" she cries. Levi throws her the reins to the spare horse.

"Make for Trost. Move it!"

Soldiers are scattered everywhere, shouting, going door to door. Levi joins them. He doesn't see Erwin anywhere. 

A blue flare fires from the western end. Another follows close by. People were starting to turn north. Wagons pass by him in droves, full of people.

Levi spots a child running in front of an upcoming cart, no more than five or six in age. His body immediately reacts and he grabs the boy by the torso before the horse's legs reach him. His parents are nowhere to be found.

A red flare fires in the distance from the southern part of town and Levi's chest tightens. Two more red flares follow, then three. 

Then Erwin's black flare pierces the sky.

"Shit."

He makes for his horse, pulling the frightened child up in front of him in the saddle.

Chaos ensues. He doesn't see Erwin, can't hear his voice among the officers yelling in the distance. Levi retreats as he sees soldiers moving out. 

"Where is the squad leader?" Levi yells at one of the men.

"I haven't seen him!"

Levi rides towards Trost, eyes desperately searching for Erwin.


	6. Chapter 6

Being with you reminds me of the type of man I used to be. I had forgotten, had buried it deep beneath my obsession, hatred, and grief.

\-----

 

Erwin rides all night through the darkness, vaguely registering that his entire arm is wet, then later his fingers and leg, but unable to spare the mental energy to pay it any attention.

It isn't until he passes through the gates of Trost early next morning that he realizes it's his blood, soaked through the multiple layers of his uniform and dripping down the side of his mount.

The few soldiers with him come to a halt in the courtyard. Garrison soldiers greet them as hoards of refugees move all about. Mike had taken most of his squad ahead. He estimates that they should be within the northern section of the city somewhere, if not already at headquarters.

Erwin dismounts and a sensation of vertigo immediately takes his body.

A strong hand grips his left arm, steadying him. Levi stands in front of him, serious eyes filled with relief and concern.

"Erwin."

"Levi. Where is the commander?"

"He's in a meeting with Pixis right now. Worry about yourself first." Gray eyes wander his blood soaked cloak.

"You're here alone?"

Levi grimly meets his eyes, but then continues watching his blood drip onto the ground. "I've been waiting in the city. I volunteered myself to escort the commander around so he doesn't have a fucking episode."

"And everyone else?"

"Renly's squad is already at the Garrison base inside the wall and Loring passed about four hours ago with his men. Wagner's dead."

Erwin feels a mixture of loss and relief at the news. He doesn't realize he's falling until the soldiers around him rush to his side.

"Squad leader!" 

"Stay with me, Erwin," Levi warns. He supports his weight from underneath his left arm and starts guiding him towards the medical bay. 

"You. Tell the commander Erwin is here. Get the rest of the squad to Mike at the northern gate," he hears Levi order.

"You're following me. He's going to bleed all over the damn ground," he addresses another soldier.

"Y-yes, sir."

Erwin can smell it before they even reach the medical wing. The metallic scent of blood thickly coats the air, lingers in all the surrounding hallways. It's brimmed with civilians and Garrison soldiers. 

Levi sets him down on an empty cot and looks around, eyes searching. "We'll never receive medical attention at this rate. Get him undressed, I'll be back."

"I'm sorry, squad leader." The young soldier with them starts removing his cloak, jacket, and shirt with shaking hands. Erwin bears through the pain as the deep wound in his upper arm is gradually revealed.

"Petric is it?" 

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you."

"No, squad leader. I should be the one thanking you."

Levi returns with several items in a bin.

"Sorry if this hurts." He fastens a tourniquet around his upper arm. Erwin emits a soft groan in his throat but holds still, not quite seeing clearly.

Levi starts cleaning the wound and rubs alcohol into it. The pain was incredible, Erwin could feel himself slipping.

"Hold onto him."

"Sir."

Petric steadies him. Erwin smiles a bit at the honorifics the young soldier was using. Levi starts weaving a thread through his torn flesh and narrows his eyes briefly at his lips. He keeps silent in concentration.

"Need to drink this?" 

Erwin declines the alcohol.

"No, I'm fine," he replies, watching Levi's deft hands become coated in his own blood. Erwin had seen Levi clean his blades countless times on the battlefield, eyes always full of distain. Yet his expression remains unchanged now as blood runs freely down the bottoms of his arms. 

Through his pain and delirium, it occurs to Erwin that he might not be able to let this connection between them go. 

If he had been honest with himself, he had known their intense attraction would be his ticket to manipulating Levi. His combat abilities made him practically untouchable on the field. Between the two of them, he was the more likely to die first and leave Levi to feel the loss of his death rather than the other way around. 

Erwin looks away, loose strands falling onto his face. He wishes he could have lived in a time where he didn't need to think like this. Where he could just have Levi by his side and make him smile. An ordinary life.

"You should have listened to me when I told you I was twisted." The words leave his mouth softly without meaning to, though he knows Levi wouldn't understand the context.

Levi's icy gaze flicks to his face briefly in confusion. "You know, the more I'm around you, the more I realize that you're just as bat-shit crazy as Hange." He reaches for the scissors with a bloodied hand. "What a great team you make."

Erwin smiles, genuinely, much to Levi's ire.

"You took rather long."

"Shut up before I decide to rip these stitches out and redo them."

"I wouldn't mind."

Young Petric looks nervously between the two of them, eyes wide with uncertainty and surprise. He smiles tightly when it's clear Erwin can hold himself up and lets go of his shoulder. Levi unfastens the tourniquet.

"H-how do you know how to do this, Levi, sir?"

"Hospitals don't exist where I come from. Connect the dots yourself," is his acrid response as he gets up.

Levi disappears for a bit. He returns with a basin, wiping his skin free of blood before bandaging him. Erwin notes how close his face is as he weaves the dressings tightly around his other shoulder.

A nurse finally arrives and asks him several questions, hurriedly prescribing pain medication. Levi fixates his gaze on her, looking as if he really wants to say something.

Erwin keeps his mouth shut once he takes the medicine, not wanting to unknowingly voice anything compromising in his state of drugged pain, given the type of information only he had knowledge to.

"You should try and get some sleep, squad leader. We'll wake you when the commander returns," Petric assures.

He helps the nurse lower him to his left side. Erwin closes his eyes briefly in pain, head swimming as darkness takes him. Levi stands back and watches him with an unreadable expression.

 

"Hey."

Erwin opens his eyes immediately. Levi is crouching in front of him, fingers gently tugging the ends of his bangs.

"The old man's ready to leave soon. Can you stand?"

Erwin moves to sit up, head heavy. For the first time in a long time, his mind is seemingly blank, unable to focus clearly. Levi drapes a clean military uniform over his shoulders. The bleeding had stopped. He smiles as Levi leads him through the hallway, letting him lean heavily on him.

"Thank you."

Levi furrows his eyebrows and his eyes flick up briefly to his face, but he keeps his expression neutral.

"You're really drugged up, huh?"

"Yeah. Something like that." Erwin closes his eyes, breathing shallow. "Forgive me if I said something strange."

Levi stays silent for a moment.

"Erwin."

"Hm?"

"You don't need to keep reminding me that you're fucked up. I got it the first time."

"And yet you're still here."

Levi doesn't respond as they enter the courtyard. Petric is there readying the horses.

Erwin thinks about the documents in his office that were now unrecoverable. Finances, records, weapon plans. The supply route was completely out of their reach now. He would have to wait until the medication wore off to properly account for everything. During his ride to Wall Rose, he had started a mental inventory. It would be a long time before the Corps reached any semblance of stability.

Levi's eyes guardedly wander the chaotic scene before them, cold expression warning people to keep a safe distance. 

Erwin thought it only fitting and cruel that they should meet in this lifetime.

 

It's late afternoon when the seething pain brings him steadily back to consciousness. Erwin stares up at the wooden ceiling before slowly sitting up and surveying the room at headquarters he had been put in. He was alone.

Sitting on the edge, he pulls his leather journal loose from the rest of his belongings on the floor. This would have to do for now. He starts writing, methodically putting his plans onto paper. The confined position of his arm made his handwriting look foreign, but he kept his movements slow and to a minimum, disregarding the sharp pain coursing through each fiber of his limb.

Levi comes in sometime later and looks him up and down with a deadpanned expression. Erwin looks up briefly to greet him, noting the medicine in his hand.

"It's fine, I can manage without it."

As Levi walks towards him, he can hear the sound of the bottle being opened. Standing between his legs, Levi grabs his face and kisses him angrily. Erwin feels his tongue shoving the pills down his throat and reaches out with his left hand to grasp his hip. He does so too late, already having swallowed them.

Levi continues tonguing him urgently, and Erwin responds, kissing him back. They eventually part, Levi's warm hands keeping their faces close. Erwin closes his eyes for a moment to even his breathing. 

"Insubordination," he murmurs.

"Lay your ass back down, squad leader." 

"Lay with me."

"Like you could satisfy me in your current state."

Erwin's lips twist as he meets his eyes. The raw emotion behind Levi's oppositional stare made him want him more, but he agreed it would have to wait. He leans into his touch and lightly grazes the inside of his wrist with his teeth. Levi just watches, expression faltering a bit. 

"You're a handful when you're injured, you know that?"

Levi backs away before things can move further, stepping out of his immediate space. He crouches to lift the journal from where it had fallen and pauses at the downward facing map. 

His gray eyes study it, unmoving from his place on the ground.

"What is this?"

"Start from the beginning," Erwin offers.

Levi moves towards the window to get more light, leaning against the frame. The pages were filled with the various places they had explored in Erwin's earlier days in the Corps, descriptions of the wildlife they had encountered, drawings of various maps.

Levi starts leafing through with interest, carefully reading each entry. Erwin watches him and suddenly becomes very still, a numbing realization spreading through his chest. 

Perhaps the drugs were taking effect.

He would never be able to take Levi to see these places. 

Would never be able to make him happy.

He had only ever had death and destruction to offer. 

 

Shadis had arranged with Pixis to turn one wing of the Garrison grounds over for Corps use. Renly was sharing a temporary office with Erwin while the final sections were being cleared.

On paper, Erwin was officially listed under medical leave, but given his rank, he had asked to continue working. Shadis had conceded and confined him to desk jobs for the time being, telling him he would not recondition until cleared by a medical officer. He managed when he could and Hange mostly scribed for him when more labor intensive tasks became necessary.

Loring comes to talk to him on his second day back.

Erwin rises from his seat out of formality, greeting his former squad leader. Loring was the most senior of the three, being closest in age to Shadis and one of his longest serving officers.

"Please, Erwin, sit," he assures as he takes a seat in the chair across from his desk.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here. I promoted Levi to replace Wagner's position a few days ago while you were on bed rest."

"Yes. Thank you."

"Regarding his remaining men, it doesn't look like we'll be having expeditions anytime soon. If you don't object, they should really be moved together to your squad. They're young and will make fine subordinates for Levi. Wagner was one of his biggest supporters before his death, I believe he would have wanted it this way."

Erwin nods, somber. "I agree. I will move the proposal forward."

Loring sighs a bit as he leans back, looking Erwin over, recalling old memories.

"How old are you now, Erwin?" 

"Twenty eight."

"Twenty eight," he repeats quietly. "I still remember your first day on my squad. And Wagner's. You were good friends I take it."

"Yes, we were."

"You've done well for yourself in that time. I wouldn't have imagined us coming this far back into the wall. I'm sure you're busy thinking of ways to reclaim it."

Loring smiles fondly at him and Erwin returns. His squad leader had been one of the driving forces behind his accelerated climb through the ranks, recognizing very early on there was something valuable in him.

"Your influence must be quite deep to reach a man like Levi. Make sure you stay alive. He'll help you carry the new guard forward."

"Thank you, Loring."

A new voice joins them. "Sir, sorry to interrupt." One of Erwin's men stands in doorway. It was urgent.

Loring holds up a hand. "I'll take my leave now." 

Erwin stands again. They were the same rank now, but he would always treat Loring closer to a father figure in private. Erwin watches him leave before turning to his solider, Marist.

"What is it?" he asks, hard voice back in place.

Marist moves closer to his ear. 

"Lord Travers has died, sir." Erwin stands back silently, contemplating the news for a moment.

"Get me Hange and Levi," he orders, clasping a hand on his shoulder as he walks out of the room. "You did well to inform me."

 

Erwin returns to his office sometime later to see Levi with his arms crossed, looking bored, boots outstretched on a chair. Hange fidgets absently next to him but stands when he enters. 

Renly looks up and waves a hand to show that he's leaving. Levi's cold eyes follow him across the room as he deposits some items in his desk and shuts the door.

"Sorry for the wait. Sit, Hange." He takes a seat across from her. "How have you been adjusting to your new position, Levi?"

"Cleaning. This place is dirty as shit."

Hange smiles, amused. Erwin recalls him being moved to a new room.

"I see. I'll be transferring a few men to your command shortly. They were valuable to Loring, I trust you will take care of them."

"... Yeah."

Erwin pauses to look at both of them.

"I need you to do something for me. What's said here should not leave the room."

Hange's back straightens as she nods. Levi doesn't move from his position, but his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly, gaze now fixated on him.

Erwin produces a letter and hands it to Hange.

"I would like you to pen a few letters in this exact style of writing."

She takes it. Erwin waits as she reads the contents through, eyes analyzing the elaborate handwriting. Levi stands, hovering over the desk as she starts working.

Hange first sorts and copies out each individual letter. When she's ready, Erwin starts dictating four separate letters, pausing every so often to allow her time to scribe. 

"Sign these three by the man from the original. I will take the fourth."

Levi exhales slowly as she finishes, crossing his arms as he leans into the desk.

"Dare I ask who this Travers is that you're taking money from?" he mutters, half aloud to himself.

Hange's eyes flick up from Levi to Erwin in interest, the question on her mind as well. She chooses not to add anything though, folding and sealing each document in silence.

"He was one of our biggest financial supporters," Erwin says, standing, "As of this morning, he's dead. I intend to empty the remainder of his trust to our name."

Erwin pauses, having remembered the last time they spoke.

"He was a good man, I spent many times in the capital talking with him. His adult children are opposed to the military however. One of them is a Wallist, so we must move quickly."

Hange produces a small smile and shakes her head. "Always two steps ahead, Erwin."

Erwin moves one of the envelopes towards Levi and produces an address from within his jacket.

"I need you to take this letter to the following location in Trost. Leave your gear and uniform. You may need to use force to get in so make sure no one sees or follows you. I will see to it that the other two letters reach the capital."

Levi abruptly pushes himself off Erwin's desk and walks towards Renly's. He easily unlocks the top drawer and removes a paper note.

"I need this if you're going to ask me to do this. I'll leave it to you to explain or replace it," Levi says, showing the monetary amount to Erwin.

"Thank you. Be careful."


	7. Chapter 7

Levi starts past the northern gates of Trost in civilian clothes at sundown.

He wanders through the various city streets into the market, eyes scanning for a specific vendor. The hunting shop appears at the corner and he enters. An old man with a mustache greets him from behind the counter. Levi ignores him, quickly scanning the various knives on display.

"The trade knife."

He holds out the paper note. They exchange goods and he pockets the rest of the money, tucking the knife into his belt behind him.

Levi makes for the target, steps slowing as he reaches the financial building located at the center of the city. It was crowded in the main streets. He would perhaps have to wait for cover of darkness. 

He walks all the way around it once, keeping an eye on all windows, entrances, and roof features. An iron fence covered the entire perimeter. The building had been closed since mid-afternoon yesterday. He notices a window cracked slightly on the second floor at the rear of the building. This wing was closest to the other structures in the vicinity.

The woman directly across the street dumps water into the drains. Levi follows her into the residential building when she reenters and climbs the stairs to the top floor. He checks the staircase behind him again before entering the hallway. It was quiet. Keeping in mind his bearings, he selects the apartment closest to the target and puts his ear to the door. Silence. He knocks to try and coax the owner out. Nothing.

Jamming his knife into the lock, he opens the door with no effort and slips in, knife still in hand. The room was small but modestly furnished, looking to be owned by a family. He locks the door and immediately makes for the window and lifts it. Slipping the knife back into his belt, he looks out the window. The alleyway below was empty. Sitting on it, he turns to look up to the distance of the roof. It was close.

Gripping the frame, he twists his body up and out, and effortlessly pulls himself onto the terra-cotta rooftop, eyes cautious of any spectators. He keeps his body low as he gets closer to the target, gaze fixated on the cracked window.

Deciding now would be a good a time as ever, as he had the light to his advantage inside, he quickly leaps onto the other building. He lowers himself to the window and slips in, landing on a wooden floor inside.

It was an office. Returning the window to its original state, Levi stands and takes out the knife again. He opens the door. Empty. 

Weaving past the offices, he quickly makes his way to the front of the building where the tellers receive notices. Loads of papers were in the process of being filed all around. Keeping the knife in hand, he starts working, sifting through each pile and sorting through the dates. It's about an hour before he locates what he's looking for. He places Erwin's letter with the other transactions, setting it back a few days.

The sky darkens as he approaches the front entrance, the only set of doors not barred by gates. He watches from the window as clouds gather overhead and people start emptying the streets before slipping out.

 

Erwin is in his room when he returns, sitting on the alcove by the window looking out into the rain. It was coming down hard now. It always reminded him of Isabel and Farlan.

He gazes up, face impassive. Levi drops the knife onto the table and goes to him, their lips meeting immediately. 

He didn't want to talk about it. He needed Erwin, needed his body. He starts unbuttoning his shirt, feeling the warm skin of his torso underneath. Erwin seems to understand and lets him. He runs a hand over his hip as Levi parts briefly with him, shucking his own shirt over his head. 

He pulls Erwin forward by the belt and guides him towards the bed, making quick work of the rest of their clothes, careful to avoid his right arm. Levi pushes him down when he meets the edge.

Erwin keeps still on the mattress as Levi straddles his hips, gray eyes following every line and crevice of his long build.

Everything about him was so damn perfect. It made Levi want to ruin him.

He circles a hand around his throat and pushes down. Erwin doesn't flinch, distant eyes just watching him. Levi tightens his grip. He can hear his own rapid breathing in his ears. Erwin lifts his chin ever so slightly as if to let him, eyes despondent, almost asking Levi to kill him.

Levi leans forward to kiss him urgently, deeply, removing his hand in the process. He couldn't. He couldn't let Erwin go.

He keeps their lips and foreheads close as Erwin prepares him, rocking his fingers into him, making him moan. 

Levi watches Erwin's every expression as he fucks himself on his cock, watching how his eyes lid and his lips part. Erwin lets out a soft groan and grasps his hip tightly when he sits back. 

Eventually, Erwin starts angling up, speeding up the pace. Levi throws his head back with a shaky moan at the deepness, unable to keep him still, letting him take over.

Erwin comes inside him and milks him dry onto his stomach, leaning up to bite his lip. Levi continues to push back against him, riding out the shudder that courses through his body.

 

Erwin stays with him that night, absently stoking his hair as he lies against his left shoulder. Levi had missed this feeling of being next to him. 

It was frightening that he was willing to kill for Erwin. Neither of them sleep, the events of that day still hanging between them. They just lie in silence, listening to the rain. 

"I should go," Erwin eventually says, quietly.

Levi doesn't want to acknowledge that doesn't want him to.

"Fuck me again," he breathes.

Erwin's piercing gaze darkens.

"Turn around," he whispers, sending chills down his spine.

Levi clings to the sheets as Erwin pounds him mercilessly into the mattress, marking the side of his neck, left elbow planted firmly beneath them. Erwin snakes his hand underneath his jaw, forcing his mouth open.

His moans fill the room and he bites down on Erwin's fingers. Erwin grunts lightly and pushes his face up, roughly capturing his mouth. 

He was close.

"Fuck me, Erwin... fuck me..." he hears himself rasp, beg, voice not quite his own.

Erwin's right hand comes to cover his own, fingers entwining his. Levi just watches their hands as he's rocked into the pillow, hard enough to make him want to scream.

 

 

Erwin sits on the edge of the bed next to him as he lays curled on his side, recovering from the physical intensity. The sheets were a mess and his hair was everywhere. 

Vaguely, he wonders if this was how they communicated. If he told Erwin with his body the words he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. Levi had never been an eloquent speaker anyways. Erwin always seemed to understand that about him.

"Levi."

Levi's eyes travel up to his distant expression.

"When this is all over, if we both survive..."

He doesn't finish, just lets the words hang in the air.

"What it is?"

Erwin encircles his torso from underneath him with his left arm, holding him, folding his body over his. Levi listens to his slow breathing against his ear as he buries his face into his shoulder. After a moment, he whispers something so soft Levi isn't sure he's heard correctly.

"Sorry..."

Levi furrows his eyebrows in concern and turns to look at him, but Erwin holds him still and kisses his neck gently.

Levi knew then that Erwin loved him.

He lets the knowledge wash over him, the feeling of Erwin's body all around him, enveloping him, before locking it away into a small part of himself. 

 

The Survey Corps receive a large sum of money the following month. Erwin uses it to propose an extermination program.

Levi stands with him atop the wall as he supervises the cannons being set up. Shadis and Pixis stand side by side in the distance, deep in conversation.

The Corps had been charged with expeditions to explore options for reclamation. Levi stares out into the distance as the largest cloud he'd ever seen sweeps the landscape into shadow.

Below, Mike leads a team along the wall, quickly killing any titans they come across. In an effort to keep the numbers manageable for future reclamation, they were called in on a regular basis to clear the wall.

The long surmised food shortage was in full effect now. Erwin predicted a military campaign would come sometime next year. There were too many people, the king would order them to train and fight.

Erwin turns to him, a hooded figure against the wild wind. Strands on his hair fall loosely onto his hard expression. 

"Levi, take the next team."

Levi meets his blue eyes and unsheathes his swords at Erwin's command. 

 

The chief medical officer removes Erwin's stitches the following day and he is cleared to start reconditioning. Levi notes how to area remains heavily scarred, but Erwin increases in strength quickly, regaining his agility and speed with little time.

Levi sits at the window in Erwin's room and reads the last few journal entries, when he had first taken Levi to the river. 

Erwin had drawn an outline of an old map of the sea he'd once seen. Below were a few calculations to how far away it must be, given the direction and speed of the current.

It's the first time he's mentioned. At the bottom of the entry, very simply, read:

With Levi, Year 844.10.19

Had it really been that short of a time? It seemed like a lifetime ago, everything had changed.

The writing all but stops after that, except for a hurried page of Erwin's plans to reestablish the Corps in Wall Rose. Levi could barely read the writing. Erwin had long achieved every task outlined. 

He looks up at Erwin, sitting at his desk reading through some documents. Levi hands it back to him.

"Reached the end?" he asks.

"Seems far from it."

Erwin smiles at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
> Epilogue/side story to follow in the final chapter. Thank you for reading! I'm currently working on an AU in the meantime, feel free to read An Ordinary Life, coming shortly to Ao3 :)


	8. Chapter 8

Epilogue Short

Year 846 

A year after Shinganshina falls, rumors of a government campaign to reclaim Wall Maria circulates the military. Shadis is off base often, sometimes gone for days to the capital with Erwin and his two other division leaders in tow. Widespread famine plagued the lands.

Levi knows something is wrong when they don't return after the third day. Three days then become thirteen. It's the longest he's ever gone without seeing Erwin.

Soldiers rush out of the mess hall when news of the commander's return spreads through base. Levi doesn't get up. He walks in the opposite direction.

"Not going to see what all the fuss is about?" Mike asks, leaning against the hallway.

"Bad news doesn't interest me."

"Yeah, its smells suspicious."

In the dead of night, Levi enters Erwin's office. He sits alone, military jacket off, documents and papers scattered all over the desk and on the floor. At some point, Erwin had dragged his chair to the center of the room to view the maps on the floor, pinned down with paperweights. He sits staring down at them, elbows on his knees, blonde locks partially obscuring his eyes. Erwin doesn't look up at Levi, already knowing it's him.

Levi sits on the floor next to him, eyes landing on a map filled with Erwin's various pen marks. He immediately understands when he sees it. After a moment, Erwin's hand reaches out to touch the back of his neck, pulling him closer. Levi lets him, resting his head against Erwin's thigh.

They sit like that in silence. Being with Erwin always calmed him, kept him in control. The world could burn tomorrow and this man would find a way, plan out five steps in multiple directions, and still remain completely unperturbed. It was just how he was. He could thrive with purpose and direction as long as Erwin was here beside him.

"Come sleep."

"... All right."

 

Mike and Erwin stand next to him as Shadis sits upright in his chair, voice low and threatening. "What I am about to tell you cannot leave this room. If you so breathe a word to anyone, I will have you and any related parties court martialed and hanged for treason. Is this understood?"

"Sir."

"I have selected you to carry out a special assignment. Your involvement now falls under the jurisdiction of Darius Zackly. I am not inviting your opinions to this matter, nor care to discuss the specifics with you. You are here because your combat abilities deem you the most capable of carrying out this mission.

Erwin is the officer in command of this operation. You follow his orders without question." Shadis nods to him. 

Erwin lays out a map and explains the government's refugee campaign to take back Wall Maria. 

"The main fleet will draw the forces south to seal the walls here.

Our team is to retrieve the government's bonds and other confidential documents from the three abandoned cities of the outer wall." 

Erwin points to the three locations circled and marked in his writing.

"Record of this mission is to be kept off the books by order of the king. We will assemble thirty five of our best men. This I will leave to you; make your selections wisely. Should I be unfit to lead or be compromised at any time, team leader Levi will take command."

Levi furrows his eyebrows, but stays silent.

"The commander will lead the second wave of the campaign to the south. We leave after the main battalion and Garrison soldiers secure a barrier around Wall Rose."

 

 

That night, Levi has a dream.

He stands on a cliff, the sea roaring below him. Lush green lies beneath his boots, wet from the fog. The wind whips violently around him. 

We made it, Erwin. 

It's just as you said, the sea touches the sky. 

He kneels and removes the porcelain covering. Filling his hand, he rises, slowly opening his fingers, and watches as the the wind takes Erwin's ashes to the sea. 

 

 

Levi sits in the dark, watching Erwin sleep soundly next to him, tired lines underneath his eyes. He's turned towards him on his side, ends of his hair splayed every which way on the pillow. 

When had he started to feel this way? 

He absently strokes the loose strands. They were getting long.

Now more than ever, Levi felt his thoughts constantly circling back to Erwin as the world around them careened out of control, spiraling further and further into death and destruction. He exhales slowly, head tilting back into the wall with a soft thud. He regrets it when Erwin's eyebrows furrow, blue eyes fluttering open, quickly becoming clear and focused. Body weary with sleep, he turns onto his elbow, face filled with concern. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a dream. Go back to sleep."

Erwin studies him for a moment before snaking his hand underneath his thigh and dragging him down. Levi's head falls back heavily onto the pillow. Erwin hovers over him, moonlight contouring every muscle on his bare shoulders.

"Get off, you're heavy," he says shortly, but there's no bite to his words, his irritation quickly giving way to lust. It turned him on whenever Erwin manhandled him, pinned him underneath. 

"Tell me." Erwin's voice is firm.

He spreads his legs to circle his waist instead and Erwin's mouth crushes his in a hungry kiss. 

The sex is quick and rough. Levi wraps his arms around his shoulders and neck tightly, memorizing the way Erwin felt holding him, against him, inside him.

"Harder... fuck me harder..." he breathes, pleads. 

Erwin runs kisses all over his jaw, neck, and collarbone as they both go over the edge.

 

 

Hange is ordered to stay behind, to use her extensive knowledge on titans to train recruits. She watches from the top of the wall with Levi as a landscape of funeral pyres burn in the distance, smoke and flame filling the night. 

"We should be out there," Hange whispers.

Levi can't bring himself to speak, face grim with horror. 

"All those faces I saw today..."

Levi tightens his jaw and starts to walk away. He can't hear what she has to say next.

"You still can't tell me where you're going tomorrow?" she calls out, voice hitching.

He pauses in step. "No."

Hange shakes her head sadly. "I can guess."

 

 

The barracks are empty as their team assembles on the grounds. Levi's steps echo and he wonders if they will now always be this way. 

They were granted permission to pass through the capital to the northern city of Wall Rose. Shadis bids them good luck and asks to speak to Erwin in private. 

Erwin walks with him, hands behind his back, stance formal. After a few moments, they pause in step and Levi watches as Shadis clasps Erwin's shoulder in a fatherly manner. He realizes it may be the last time they see one another. They exchange a few more words before Erwin nods and salutes him. Shadis turns to leave, cloak flowing in the wind.

 

A titan swipes at Erwin, misses, and catches his wires instead. Levi watches him attempt to disengage his grappling hooks but it's too late, his head hitting ground first with a sickening crack. He doesn't get up.

Levi uses the falling titan to turn sharply, feet skimming the dirt and launches himself up to slice the nape of its neck. 

Mike, swords out, crouches low next to Erwin, bringing his ear close to his face. He's still breathing. He sheathes his swords and drags Erwin's body towards the cart. Dita takes him from Mike.

It was wretched timing. They had lost their medical officer in action two days ago. Levi joins him in the wagon as they speed off. There was a deep black gash in the side of his head, blood running down his face and all over his uniform. 

"I can't stop the bleeding. Do you think his skull's fractured?" Panic laces Dita's eyes as he looks up at Levi.

"Stitch it shut." 

Dita's hands shake as he handles the needle.

"Give it to me, you're too slow."

It had started to snow.

Levi was in command now. He orders them to ride back to the northern city of Wall Rose. They had returned with two sets of bonds. One more location was needed. 

The doctor recognizes Erwin when he sees him. He tells Levi that he grew up not far from here. His father and mother were both deceased. 

"Still a tall, handsome lad I see. Was extremely intelligent for his age. We talked periodically in this very hospital when his mother was in the final months of her life."

The doctor presents him several scenarios. Erwin may pass away, he may live and never wake up, if he wakes he may have no memory, or his mind could be damaged beyond repair and he wouldn't be the same person ever again.

He sits next to Erwin everyday. Seeing him this vulnerable, Levi thinks to himself he almost no longer looked like a soldier. He was just a man. As his team prepares to leave a few days later, Levi goes to him once more. Standing over him, he wonders if this is the last time he will ever lay eyes on him.

"You once said to me that in a world without titans, you would've been an ordinary man. I didn't understand it at the time, but I think I may have figured out what you were trying to say.

Without titans, there would be no need for Walls, no need for the Underground. I may have even been an ordinary man as well. 

I could have really loved you.

I would have poured my life into making you happy, would have built a life together with you. Just the two of us. We may have even grown old together.

But here I am. The love of my life lying helplessly at the edge of death, and I'm powerless to prevent you from leaving me.

If you die, I'll take your dreams and aspirations with me. I'll see them through for you until the end."

 

 

Levi leads the mission to the west, the final city. He notices how Mike watches him closely the entire time. Levi had long suspected Mike knew what him and Erwin were doing. If he did, however, he never said anything or gave any indication otherwise.

They return a month later and see Erwin recovered, and for the first time in a long time, Levi feels whole again. 

Darius grants them twenty days leave and pay for their services to the crown. The military campaign was over after three months. The loss of life was innumerable.

Levi doesn't know where he'll go but packs anyways. Erwin asks him to come with him. His family owned a second house in the countryside by the river. He would stay a few days but needed to return, Shadis had sent him a letter of his resignation.

It's about a half a day's ride south before they see it. Levi enters the old, small house first. His eyes wander over every part as Erwin watches him.

"This is the place you grew up?"

Erwin doesn't answer and remains standing in the middle of the room as Levi stops in front of the kitchen. He slowly approaches him. 

"Turn around."

Before Levi can react, he grabs his arm, turns and pushes him against counter, and kisses the back of his neck. They have sex standing up, Erwin holding him tightly the entire time. Dust and dirt covered the bottoms of their arms and hands.

Erwin was unrestrained here alone with him, openly showing him affection, holding him close during the day and kissing him often and deeply. Levi figures it out a few days later that had his parents been alive, Erwin would have brought him here to see them. But instead he can only bring them to this empty house full of their memory.

They gradually make the house presentable again. Erwin pulls the tangled vines from the garden as Levi cleans the interior. He catches Erwin gripping the edge of sink sometimes when he stands for long periods of time, still not fully recovered.

Levi sits by the river a lot, finds himself often staring at it. After realizing how steep of a drop the water is from the land, Levi decides to wade in it one day, head resting on his arms against the embankment. Erwin smiles as he comes out of the house.

"What are you doing?"

"Shut up, it feels good."

Erwin sits next to him and reaches a hand out to smooth his bangs. Levi closes his eyes. He would cherish every moment they could be together until the end of his days.

That night, Levi doesn't control his voice as they move together underneath the sheets. Laying next to Erwin, buried into his side, a small part of Levi wants to stay here forever with him like this. In another lifetime, maybe they could have.

He finds Erwin looking at one of his father's old books on the last day. There was a map of the world as it was a hundred and fifty years ago.

"Where would you want to go first if you had the choice?"

Levi shrugs. "You're the one reading it."

"The sea's here," he points. "Would you want to come with me?"

Looking into the blue depths of Erwin's eyes, Levi wants to say he found the sea long ago, has been looking at it everyday for the better part of his life. 

But he says nothing.

"All right. I'll go with you, Erwin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
